The sound of silence

As I sit here on a Monday morning, gearing myself up for another day of study, I am reminded of how quiet my life is all of a sudden. And I am not happy about it.

I remember with gushy fondness the noise that once filled this house for what seemed like every moment of everyday. The big noise of little boys feet running around the house, the squabbles, the squeals of joy, the tears of tiredness. This was the hustle and bustle that was my life with two small lads. These lads are now at school. Every freaking day. And I miss them more than I could even try to describe. I miss the silly fun we used to have. I miss the snuggles before I put them down for a nap. I miss the happy sounds of them waking up. I miss the cute ways they used to say things. I miss the morning teas, the afternoon teas. I miss the mess. I miss them.

But I must remind myself, I still have them. While I cannot possibly remember every moment of their infant years, I feel the moments, even the ones that I cannot recall. I feel the closeness, I feel the dependency they once had. It is different now. Different will be my constant companion, because this is what raising kids is all about; being with them as they change and as they grow. They may not be here making noise, but no doubt they are filling the air with their delicious noise at school.

The little one we said goodbye to in October only 4 weeks after that line appeared is in my heart, and the baby that we hope to have is on my mind. If we are blessed to bring an extra one to our family one day, I am certain there will be moments that I will wish for silence like this again. But I am sure that I will also remind myself that those kinds of noises are the most beautiful sounds in the world, and that one day I will miss them.

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